Mini-Review: Assassin’s Creed


Release: December 21, 2016

Story: A secret society called the Templars rescues a suspected murderer (Callum, played by Michael Fassbender) from execution. The Templars are searching for the Apple. It contains the genetic code of freewill, and the Templars hope to use it to rid the world of evil. Callum is the descendant of Aguilar (also Fassbender), a member of the Assassins during the Spanish Inquisition. Through a devise called the Animus, Alan Rikkin (the head of the Templars played by Jeremy “I’m way too good for this movie” Irons) and his daughter and lead scientist (played by Marion “I won an Oscar now look at me” Cotillard) want Callum to relive the genetic memories of his ancestor, who knew of the eventual whereabouts of the Apple. But there may be more to what’s going on than meets the eye, and the other Assassin descendants, who are being used by the Templars, warn the morally questionable Callum against what he’s doing.

Thoughts: Assassin’s Creed has a great cast, fair production values, and it looks, while not always accurate to the games, like it would fit nicely in that universe. The film is let down by dull, one dimensional characters and a dry script that incomprehensibly sets most of the action in the present and hardly any during the Spanish Inquisition. Who would’ve expected that? No one who played the games, I’ll tell you that. The game franchise is just the opposite, with almost all the action taking place during a particular historical period. The past section is so underrepresented, it makes you wonder why they bothered with it at all. To top it off, the action is mostly unexciting. It does get a little interesting during the past section’s climatic fight, but the movie makes sure to continually cut back to the present to keep you from getting too into it. This film is a complete and utter misfire. Even worse, it was forgettable. It was so bereft of anything to grab hold of or remember, it’s like I didn’t watch a movie at all. It was a total nonentity.

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